Happy Mother's Day!

**********

Look at the lovely fruit bouquet my DS and DDIL sent me for Mother's Day! It's huge! and just full of gorgeous fruit. This will be enjoyed over the next few days, for sure!

~~~~~~~~~~~
Some cards I received this week:

"Fan" by Barb E.

"P is for Puzzle" by Kim B.

"Beautiful Browns" by Barb E.

"Beautiful Browns" by Leah M.

~~~~~~~~~~

The "elderly relative" we have been taking care of is my MIL. She has always been a very smart, sweet lady, very independent and opinionated. She is still independent and opinionated, but the smart and sweet have slipped drastically with her diagnosis of Alzheimer's. Today we took her to the family doctor for her thyroid test and asked him to inform her of her diagnosis. He neatly side-stepped the issue, and the one time he mentioned the "A" word she told him that she had been told that she didn't have Alzheimers. That was the end of that.

She has lost even more weight, and now weighs only 100 pounds. She assures the doctor that she is eating a balanced diet (instant oatmeal and chocolate malts, with an occasional chicken strip or order of fries.) And yes, she still takes her medicine, except for her vitamins, which she choked on twice so she stopped taking them. We bought her a month's supply of liquid dietary supplement--we hope that stops the weight loss and replaces the missing vitamins. We also bought her some simple microwaveable meals. We will see if she can manage to use them.

She threw a real fit when it came to trying to explain to her that she needs more supervision. She accused us repeatedly of trying to have her "committed to an institution." She kept saying she wishes she had died years ago so she wouldn't be causing us so many problems. She refuses to leave her home, or to have anyone else stay with her. She just wants to be left alone. The doctor told her that that could not be an option anymore. So he finally talked her into wearing a panic button. She kept saying she would tell us when she needed one, but we pointed out that when she realized that she needed one it would be too late. So she agreed that she could "go that far."

We are currently checking on her every day, changing her Exelon patch and making sure she is okay. She doesn't like it, but she allows it.

This doctor's visit was very hard for me. I find myself stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. She is not my mother, so my husband is the one making all the decisions. But she blames me for them anyway. I would give anything to have the opportunity to take care of my own mother, who passed away many years ago. Taking care of her would have been so easy. But as much as I would like to take care of my MIL in the same fashion, that is not an option. Their personalities were poles apart. Where my mother would have been quiescent, MIL is argumentative. Things have to be done her way, and if she doesn't get her way she attacks us verbally, accusing us of wanting her dead, of wanting her money, of stealing, lying, cheating.

Part of the problem is that I feel deep empathy for her--I would be fighting for my independence too, were I in her place. As a retired nurse, I have seen too many elderly patients who have no one who cares, no one to check on them, no one to hug them. I know how important it is for her to be supervised as she sinks deeper into dementia; but when do you cross that line? I asked her that question, there in front of the doctor. "At what point would you say it would be time for us to step in?" At first she avoided the question with the same irrelevant sentences--I still keep my house clean, I still take care of myself, etc. But when I insisted she answer the question, she finally decided that if she could not take care of her pets, or could not fix her own food, or started falling, then it might be time to step in. What she doesn't realize is how close she is to that point. And when that time comes, the criteria will undoubtedly have changed.

On the plus side, a couple of days ago she asked DH to sell her car, that she was afraid of driving anymore and wanted the car gone. She told him to take care of all the details, but she knew who she wanted to sell it to. Our long-time auto mechanic was to get first chance at it. A 99 Toyota Avalon with only 27,000 miles on it! I think he will jump at the chance. We were going to address the issue of her driving today, but she actually beat us to it!

All I can say is this: if your mother is alive, give her a big hug, or at least a call, on Mother's Day. If she is gone, give yourself a hug, and have a good cry about your loss. I know I will.

**********